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Saturday, September 28, 2013

From a Mother's Heart


This has been an emotional week for me. My oldest child is moving out today. She is moving into a charming little house with a good friend. She has a great well paying job. She is responsible and plenty old enough. So what am I upset about? One of my chicks is leaving my nest. I was born to be a mom, have always wanted to be a mom, never regretted being a mom. It defines everything I am. I make no apologies, don't care what others think, just care about these four walls and my chicks in my nest. I only sleep well when they are all in their beds. I am just that kind of a mom.

For better or worse, that is who I am. I am sad but excited. Worried but calm. I want my mom to be here to tell me it will be okay, she will be fine. I want to cry but I smile. Want her to feel excited and happy. I am sure many of you have been through this and can tell me this is totally normal. I thought I would be happy to have one less kiddo to pick up after and clean for and cook for and tell shoosh when others are trying to sleep but I want the clock to go back. Back to when they were all small and thought I was the best thing ever. If you are a young mom, don't ever wish the early years away. Savor them all in your house, under your roof and safe in their beds. Someday they too will fly away and you will realize your work is done and it is time to let go. 

So what did I do to keep myself busy and pulled together? I packed her stuff up while she was working and made her a big care package of needful things. I am so happy she is only 20 minutes away and I will see her often (I hope).  Thanks for letting me cry on your shoulder as I would not want to dampen her excitement. Pray I can give her a big hug and hold back the tears after we unload the car with her things. Okay, I have pulled myself together. She's just moving out right?



35 comments:

AllyJo Woodruff said...

It is very hard. Glad you have this outlet for your thoughts. I right there with ya.

Christine said...

Yes, it is hard. I have enjoyed every stage of my girls' lives. As sad as it has been to see them move into each new phase, I have learned that the next stage is even better!

Kathleen Grace said...

I probably shouldn't tell you this, but I cried for months, couldn't sleep...in some ways its a bigger change for you than for them. But what I found out is that they need you as much now, as they begin the unfamiliar path of being totally responsible for themselves, as they did when they were little. I relish every little thing I can do for my daughter now, and she is more appreciative than ever. She knows mom and dad are there to catch her if she falls :) things change but your love for each other remains.

Barbara Neubeck said...

...It's always emotional and hard to stay cheerful when the kids move out...but you might be lucky and have children like mine....
I'm an old Mum and my 4 children all left home many years ago..... BUT... they kept coming back, again and again,sometimes bringing husbands and children with them...(then moved out again, I'm pleased to say)... now it's just Hubby, my Mum and Me.....most of the time..
Hugs and Blessings..
Barb xx

camp and cottage living said...

Aw Elaine,
I totally understand how you're feeling. It's a blessing she isn't going to be so far away.
You never quit being a Mother even when they're all out of the nest we worry!

Cranberry Morning said...

I so agree with your advice to young moms. These years may not be easy, but they truly are the best. We raise our kids to be self-sufficient and leave home to find their own lives, but it's still hard to see them go. We've done it 5 times.

Lois' Laughlines said...

I totally get it. Why do they have to grow up?

Jen @ Muddy Boot Dreams said...

It's time to spread her wings, but in doing that, it's only so she can continue on the path that you first showed her existed.

This must be a very exciting time for her, and she is blessed to have such great parents, and a loving home to launch from.

Jen

a8383 said...

Been there- one chick left in the nest. It is OK to cry. : ) Angela

Melanie said...

As you know, I recently went through this with Tim when he moved out to go to college. And he's my baby, so this made me an empty nester! Be glad you still have a little one at home. :-) There are some days and moments where I REALLY miss him and just need to hear his voice or even talk to him by texting. But otherwise, it's going along fine...I am so proud of him for spreading his wings and being independent - after all, that's what our kids need to do to become adults, right? It wouldn't be right if they stayed home forever and never wanted to be independent! And you are lucky she is only 20 minutes away - you can see her anytime. Tim is 1-1/2 hours away and besides going to school FT, he's also working, so he can't pop home on weekends. But we've seen him 4-5 times already. :-) Sorry for the rambling...my heart is with you!

Cozy Little House said...

She is moving out, Elaine, but not moving out of her mother's arms. You are an excellent and loving mother, as I've told you so many times. And your children will be wonderful adults like you, because of your nurturing. Focus on your chickens. I do believe you are the "chicken whisperer." Remember, they need a mother too.
Brenda

Vicki @ lifeinmyemptynest said...

Sweet post Elaine - it is hard to let them go - and not let them see you cry :-)

Dayle Allen Shockley @ A Collection of Days said...

Having a child move out is an emotional experience, and anyone with an empty nest can relate to how you're feeling. I'm sending a cyber hug your way.

Linda W. said...

Having my two kids move away to attend college (and I'm now officially an "empty nester") I can tell you it's hard at first, but it does get easier. Luckily your daughter is close by and I'm sure she will come and visit (and bring her laundry!) Be proud that she has a job and is able to support herself (that's what I told myself when my daughter graduated from college) Smiles for you!!!

Debby said...

As the poem goes.......if you love someone you have to let them fly.......I can't remember the words but it is such a good poem. It is so hard. You will be okay. When my first one moved out I was amazed how much more we saw of her, hah. ((((((HUGS))))

Sally Kelly said...

I am that mom, too. Thanks for sharing your feelings honestly. I think parents these days are too much in a hurry to get the kids grown & out on their own. My parents never hurried me & I turned out okay. I'm so glad to still have my kids at home (15 and 19). I know their time will come someday soon... but until them, I am only too glad to continue nurturing them. It is my privilege, and my greatest calling in life.

Kris said...

You are feeling the way I felt when Gennifer moved. It is a hard thing to adjust to. But you just have to try to remember, this is what our job is all about. To raise them up, to then allow them to lead their own lives. Sad for us Moms, but you have to be proud too. She will soar.....and you will adjust. Hang in there Mama. I know your heavy heart!
xo Kris

Barbara F. said...

It is so hard on the mom's, but from a daughter's perspective, and an "only" at that, I was petrified and felt horrible to leave my mom. But it was time. I was about 1 1/2 miles away, working long hours, so we saw each about the same amount of time. I was so torn, excited and feeling like an adult, and missing my mom's cooking, and her doing the laundry, etc. But my mom did me a big service by letting me flap my wings and fly. xo

Valerie Smith said...

I'm crying too.

Tree Hugger - Suzan said...

Interesting how everyone reacts to lifes many blessings. My daughters moved out together and moved into the city which was great. they were closer to their jobs, friends, church and activities. They are only 30 minutes away, but we all needed the space. We talk more on the phone than we see each other; but now that one is married and with a baby, I get to see her more. I'm proud of both daughters! they completed college with their scholarships, have jobs, and close friends. I raised them right and now I get to reap the benefits with our visits and grandchildren.
Be proud of her and of yourself!! god Bless you and your family!

Kim@Snug Harbor said...

I feel your pain. At least she's moving out of the house but not out of your life and she's doing what you raised her to do. You must have done a good job. Smile and be proud. But I'd still cry too. xo

The Chickens' Auntie said...

Oh, Elaine, I know just how you feel -- I remember being in the same place myself. Being a mom and caring more about your four walls and the chicks in the nest is a wonderful thing (and I'm happy you know it)!
Just as you tell the young moms not to wish away their children's early years, I tell you to look forward to and embrace this next stage in your relationship with your daughter. What a wonderful opportunity to become friends on an adult-to-adult level (even knowing that she'll always be your little girl in your heart).
Bless you!

20 North Ora said...

What a sweet post by a sweet Mother! I told my son once that I wished he was back in the first grade so that I could pick out his clothes, feed him breakfast,take him to school, pick him up at school and then tell him not to get out of the front yard to play! LOL It's just having them near you at all times that makes it so hard when they aren't.

Judy

marty (A Stroll Thru Life) said...

Well, I wasn't so brave, I did cry and I think it is ok for you to cry too. She really won't mind if you do. She is precious and you have taught her well, so she will do fine. God Bless. Hugs, Marty

Terra said...

I read your post and saw a lot of blessings listed here, including she will be only 20 minutes away. How fabulous is that! Be brave, all will be well.

Debby Ray said...

I'll never forget the day we left our youngest at college. He took his bicycle to the campus and that first day when he rode away, the tears flowed. My husband and I drove separate vehicles with all of his stuff and I a so glad I had all the way home (about 450 miles) to just let it all out as I was in the car alone. I feel for you, sweetie.

Merlesworld said...

They need to try their wings and go but it's so sad when they do.
Merle........... ............. ...........

~Sara said...

Good luck and hugs! There are no words, no encouragement, nothing else that I can say will change anything. Just know that I am sending hugs and an open ear, a shoulder to cry on and just know that others have made it through. One of my daughters got married (a navy man)and packed up their car and drove across country to live. From the Atlantic to the Pacific. (That is why we are here in California.)Good luck. She will always need you as her MOM. You can believe me there. Blessings~Sara

Jeanette@Creating A Life said...

I've been there, too. When my oldest daughter moved out at 18 to go to school, I spent days thinking about all the things that would never be again, all the things I should have done differently and I cried every time I walked past her empty bedroom! That wasn't very uplifting, sorry : ) It sounds like your daughter is a bit older and more established, but you're a mom, for goodness sake! It's supposed to hurt for awhile. But it will pass, and you'll begin to embrace a new kind of relationship and it will be wonderful. Bless you!

Jeanette

Foley's Momma said...

Amen... I still have nights when I wish mine were tucked safely in their beds in the next room... They are 32 and 35 and left long ago... But it is why we raise them, to teach them to fly on their own... It means we did our jobs well... I just wish it wasn't so hard... I have one who lives 30 minutes away and one who lives 700 miles away... What I wouldn't give for those baby days again... All I can say is you will get through it... <3

Eppie Doodle said...

Elaine, I understand your emotions exactly having raised a daughter who was an only child. She is responsible and is ready for the next step in her life. You have done well. And, you are one great Mom, both to your children and your chkckies!
Take care,
Emily

Kathy Moreland said...

It's the natural order of things. She will be fine, and you will too, before too long. I'm glad she's near you. You have taught her to be independent, I'm sure, and so she will. Take care!

corners of my life said...

Such great advice you gave to "young moms".

Sounds like your lovely daughter is ready even if you are struggling. This will be a journey you will take day by day - finding your role in a new kind of support for her.

Ricki Treleaven said...

*sighs* It's so hard when they leave, but you should be so proud and thankful that she has such a good paying job that she can live on her own. So many young graduates aren't so fortunate!

BTW your Countdown to Christmas posts are stressing me out! I need to get on it!!!

xo,
RJ

Tania @ Out Back said...

I know exactly how this feels. You will always be their mum and they will always be your babies.

Big hugs Elaine xoxo

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